My heart hopes for quiet.
My mouth longs for silence.
My mind fights to be in control so my tongue will not set aflame events and rant and rave wildly in an effort to quell my inner pressure.
Why does this tiny lethal instrument need to verbalize and toss into the air beyond recall the bitterness and anger I feel? When I am hurt, why must I wound in return; when angry, why do I leave such devastation in my emotional wake?
O little weapon of speech, I wince at your insignificant structure and the immense wounds you cause. For you, little one, are a "restless evil, full of deadly poison." You tear down in a moment the work of many days; you destroy with your viciousness the happiness of those I love.
How can I control you? I desire you to be immobilized for all time no matter how your silence scorches and pierces my being. I want to act and not react. For before I grasp the reality of the moment you have leaped to my defense, slaying everyone who challenges me. What is the secret of escape from your rule? Surely it exists in the light and not in the darkness.
And how can it be, God, that when I ask for your help, You do not answer? Do I ask amiss? Or is it because I ask with the same tongue with which I wound and destroy? O yes, that is my answer.
Then wretched one that I am, how can I be delivered? What can I do to tame you, little poisonous dart? I seem helpless in your grasp, I am your prisoner. Were it not for you, my heart's battles would not harm the lives of others.
There is one thing that I can do now. When you conquer my will and would destroy me and those I love with your vicious fire, I will be silent upon my bed. There you and I will struggle in mortal combat. I will move you to offer the sacrifices of righteousness. You will pray for those you wish to harm, you will speak only good.
With the help of God, you will bless and not curse, heal rather than wound, soothe and not sear, build and not tear down. And on judgment day when every word you and I have uttered will again ring in my ears and I will bear the weight of every verbal expression, may it be recorded in the book that a day dawned when you were tamed. And since that moment you have been a blessing, giving comfort, encouragement, and hope. You seek to speak only the choicest words. "Let the words of my mouth be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord."
MC